Afterword

　　The Worship of Intimacy / Imperfection (TWOI) continues my exploration of intimacy, but I’ve shifted my focus from platonic to romantic intimacy. This project was influenced by a lot of my past relationships, and all the subtle observations I kept with me long after I left them: their mannerisms, my mannerisms, and all the little moments that would normally be overlooked by an untrained eye—I notice all of it. In the words of Choker, “I’m painfully aware of my surroundings, at all times.”

　　Some of these stories are real, some are fabricated. But the world I’ve created stands entirely on its own, mirroring the extreme highs and lows that characterize teenage/20 something romance. The fever dream lens is intentional, as straightforward logic just doesn’t apply to modern hookup culture. The promise of quick, casual sex by apps like Tinder oftentimes devolve into something much more complicated, and messy. 

　　In this project, I also wanted to develop my ability to transform and empathize through music: constructing different, defining music tastes as a means of creating unique characters. A person’s music taste says a lot about them. By giving each character a favorite artist (Omar Apollo/Gorillaz for Quinn, Mitski for Kiara), I gained perspective; I gained familiarity. It’s my hope that you did, too.

　　Quinn can easily be mistaken as a direct extension of me. While that is a fun comparison, Quinn was pieced together using parts of me: stretched and compressed, reimagined and reworked, exaggerated and understated. Quinn is her own person. But to some extent, I do consider her my chaotic alter-ego: a part of my personality that begs for future exploration. After this project, I’m likely going to experiment with songwriting. My camera’s name is also Quinn.

　　As for Kiara, well, she was created using various aspects of my exes: but I actually see quite a lot of myself in her, too—that’s why she’s the photographer, not Quinn. I didn’t want to excuse all of her actions, as she isn’t our protagonist—but Kiara, like Quinn, is completely human. Demonizing either of the characters’ mistakes doesn’t really help anyone. Reflection and eventual forgiveness, in silence or otherwise, does. 

　　Drawing inspiration from Freudian psychology, Euphoria, Tarot symbolism, Toni Morrison’s Beloved, personal insomnia struggles, and Frank Ocean (just to name a few), TWOI aims to walk the line between the profound and the profane (as one of my mentors Peter put it).

　　I want this story to dissuade people from making the same mistakes Quinn and Kiara did. To emphasize the message that growth—both in and out of relationships—can be ugly, but is always possible. That “oh shit, I’m alone now” moment Quinn experiences at the end is where the work really starts.